Toilets of the World : The World Defecates
A quick tour around the globe visiting different toilets and their designs, by Everett Griffiths
Humans do not come with instruction manuals, but they are fairly easy to figure out. Food goes in, poop comes out, and the manner of this coming and going is not as important as the necessity that it occurs. Just as each country has developed its own culinary specialties, each country is silently aware of its cultural tradition of how to most comfortably evacuate the bowels. To juxtapose these differences is to extract some of the unique cultural practices of each geographical area. Here is a short classification composed from personal experience.
North America:
The "Porcelain Throne." Evolved from the outhouse, the toilets of today are basically of the same design, but devoid of splinters. Deposits are made directly into water and flushed away thanks to the ingenious invention of John Crapper.
Europe:
To the untrained eye, they are similar to the Yankee john, but they trace their origin to the chamber pot. Deposits are made from the sitting position directly onto a flat porcelain shelf. Flushing sometimes sends tides of water breaking over the rim of the bowl, and the flat bowl design requires that a toilet brush is close at hand. Hard to believe the Germans put up with this engineering.
The more ingenious poopers prepare their porcelain mesas with sheets of toilet paper before settling in; the deposit is then lubed up for easy flushing sans skid marks. Superior flush mechanisms allow for fine tuning of the flushes: big, middle, small or trickle. Another bonus is that the toilets won't run all night because the valve didn't catch (a common problem with cheaper American toilets). A continental quirk is that the toilets and sinks are forever banished to different rooms, certainly causing unpleasant situations as individuals with "soiled" hands bumble frenetically through the house before a washbasin is located.
Asia (one Continent, two systems):
Japan - Although Japan features several kinds of toilets, the most interesting specimens are the battle-ready "Night Rider" techno-toilets. They have more in common with a fighter-jet cockpit than they do with a bathroom; future models may include AI voice interfaces. The seats are often heated with an adjustable temperature gauge; they will sometimes incorporate a bidet, hot air blower, and a spray of perfuming mist. They deserve the nickname: "Twizzler Toilet: Makes Butts Happy."
Other features to look for: some of these toilets feature a small sink built into their water reservoir that allows the operators to wash their hands without wasting any water. This also helps to achieve what the Germans call "Einheit fuer das Badezimmer", or "Unity for the Bathroom."
Truly, one who uses these Japanese toilets can neatly get the job done and emerge clean-handed without ever needing a sink. These cockpit techno-johns fetch prices of over $700 on the open market and are a landmark of efficient and surgical defecation.
China - The first remark made by westerners when visiting a Chinese bathroom is often something like "Hey...who stole the john?" The toilets mandate hunkering over a shallow oval bowl, giving new imagery and olfactory proximity to the term "pop a squat."
Although squat toilets are common in Japan, the Chinese have no such standards of hygiene or foresight. The flush mechanisms are often faulty, the drains are often clogged, and usually devoid of traps (FYI, traps are the S-shaped pipes installed in drains to keep the smells of the sewers below from wafting up into your home above). If someone flushes on the floor above you, a gush of scented wind often emanates from your drain or toilet.
Another common quirk is that the whole bathroom is elevated about 8 to 12 inches to accommodate the height of the bowl. This is likely done to avoid the laborious process of drilling away the concrete in the floor to accomodate the bowl. In this elevated layout however, the consequences of an overflowing toilet are severe. Another bonus: even fine hotels and hospitals are devoid of toilet paper, so plan ahead. This technique is essentially evolved from fertilizing crops; in rurual China, "nightsoil" is collected and is still used for the same purpose.
Happy Pooping.
